I REFUSE to be a middle-aged bride

First off, I would just like to say for the record, if a random stranger comes up to me in a parking lot, I will not talk to them....unless they're hott ;)

So I'm totally sick of seeing this burn scar on my hand (fyi- still on the hunt for an Ov-glove) so while I was doing my make-up this morning I decided to try to disguise it. Totally a better idea in my head than in real life. So apparently my hand rubs up against my boob A LOT and I never noticed. (This is partly due to the fact that I'm so used to it happening that I don't notice and partly due to the fact that I don't have much feeling around the scars) So with that, I now have make-up on my shirt right around the lower boobage area. Glorious. Naturally, live and learn. So with all this talk about boobies, leads me to my next topic....

It really irks me when I see girls with, like, maybe a C cup and people describe her with big boobs. Really? No. I would LOVELOVELOVE to be that size! So if a C cup is considered big, what the hell am I? Some sort of behemoth?! Fuck. Who gets a reduction just to have them grow back to their original greatness? This brute. I hate my boobs. They make me feel like white trash. But they're all I know. With that, I think its completely normal to hold things between them (i.e.: cell phone, camera, pens, Sophia champagnes) and to use them as an extra hand (i.e.: setting objects on them when my hands are full) Shit, might as well use them if they're gonna be all up in my business! Not to mention Oliver likes to lay on them. Which I must say, they are quite squishy; who needs memory foam when you got these ladies to lay on?! I'm just now realizing not everyone gets to experience these pros :)

Random: This morning when I was getting ready for work, I danced around in my bra and panties to Black Eyes Peas "Imma Be". It was amazing.

So I was telling Jason about this blog and he asked me if I talked about him. Duh. He also asked if I use his real name. Duh. He asked if I wouldn't and if I could call him something else. So I said, sure, what would you like me to call you? Muffin? Snoop? (he really hates it when I call him either of those, so naturally being the bitch that I am I do- all the time) He was like no, Tyrone.......(looooong pause and picture the completely serious/confused look on my face) Umm, no. So Jason will continued to be referred to as "Jason".

Furthermore, I think its really annoying when people make their "default" picture (on social networking sites) to be of them and their bf or gf kissing. And when I say that, I'm referring to one particular person that I keep seeing around every fucking corner I turn. It's almost haunting and I hate it.

That's all for now, so until next time...I wanna become the U.S. treasurer so my signiture can be on money. Wish me luck. Kisses.

You wanna get with me? Add your name to the waiting list

I hate being sick. Who gets the flu twice in one season?! Me. I don't realize how awesome I am until I'm restricted to my bed. As if getting the goddamn SWINE flu 2 months ago wasn't enough (which might I add should have been at least 5 years worth of flu). Whatevs.

So I decided my new year's resolution...I'm gonna learn to calm my crazy....tame the beast if you will. Sounds good right?! I know. Wait...are new year resolutions supposed to be realistic or just a good idea? Because me calming the crazy would be like teaching a dog to use a litter box....not completely unrealistic, yet highly unlikely. Hmm.....maybe I need to pick a new one. Ok, but serial I do need to relax a bit more because at the rate I'm going I'm gonna have a coronary by the time I'm 35. Heart disease is the #1 killer of women ya know! (a heart attack is considered a heart disease right?)

I tried to go back to work today but it just wasn't really happening. I only made it through half a day. But while I was there UPS came, thinking it was Bill I was headed out to say hello. To my surprise it was Garrett! *deep sigh* soooo was not prepared to see that pretty face! Fyi, there are just some people that I have to mentally prepare myself for so I can be calm, cool and collected and present myself in the utmost fabulous way possible. If I don't prepare......we get what happened today. Disaster. It was like I was a 15 year old girl again, giddy and giggly. EWW. God I hate when I get like that!! I wasn't embarrassed but I was embarrassed for myself in that moment. Does that make sense? I don't know why I get like that (ok I do, its because I totally have a "kindergarten crush" on him AND he knows this) it's not like I've never talked to him before. Fuck, I'm totally annoyed with myself as I'm reliving this situation to share with you. He's cool though, super chatty, which I like. As we were chatting I hear a noise.....what might this noise be you ask? The sound of mini blinds being pulled open at top speed. I look over at Patti's office and all I see are 6 faces staring at us and giggling. Then the blinds close but Kathy is still peeking through. It didn't faze him and I just shook my head and said "assholes". They're so nosey in my business!!! But I don't mind, I kinda like the attention ;) Anyway, we were chatting and to be honest with you I have no idea what he was talking about! Ha! All I could think about was, "shit it's getting hot in here". Now for the rest of the week I WILL be on my game :)....too bad he's taken, but an innocent flirtation never hurt anyone ;)

I just saw a commercial for "Ugly Betty" and it shows her getting her head smashed in elevator doors.....reminded me of when I got smooshed in the doors on BART the first time I took it alone. This bitch.

Now Richard Simmons is on Ellen....which reminded me of the time (not too long ago) when I had a dream that I was around literally thousands of people and the only person that would talk to me was Richard Simmons (insert serious, annoyed face icon here). Ok, when you're having dreams about Richard Simmons being the only person that will talk to you, CLEARLY this means you're a fat ass and need to go on a diet. Fail.

I was gonna share a little story about Kevin here, but I decided he wasn't worth it since he's on my shit list. Fucker.

Writing this took all my energy, so I'm gonna take a nap. So until next time.....you can just call me Courtney Jolie-Pitt ;) kisses!

Eh, if the tiara fits....

So why is it there are more douche bags in the world than cool people? Fuck. And people wonder why I'm anti-social (ok that's not really the reason but it sounded good)

It's 1:40 am and I CANNOT sleep. My alarm clock is set to go off in 3 hours. Yes, that means my vacation is over and back to the real world. I am not, in the least, a fan of the "real world". For anyone trying to figure out what time I gotta wake up, lemme help you out- I wake up at 5 (at least I try) and my alarm starts going off at 4:15. Crazy, yes. But I'm a snoozer, gotta hit that shit at least 4-5 times before I sit up in my bed and say, really? I hate my life, when can I go back to sleep? If I could, I would sleep alllll day. Which on the weekends I usually do. So I went to bed tonight about 9:30ish and started watching Breakfast at Tiffany's...love. Everytime I watch it, I tell myself I'm never eating again because I wanna look like Miss Holly Golightly herself.....but naturally after I turn it off I forget and we all know how much I like to eat. Anyway, watched that then layed here for about an hour. With my mind spinning, I decided to get up and start cleaning my closet. Sweet. After throwing away the first 5 things I touched I came across a stack of letters from Kevin from when he was in boot camp almost 4 years ago. With those letters I also found his hat he gave me, a necklace and some pictures. Instantly, I went into a flashback (you know how they do on tv/movies and they're in that exact scene again... kinda surreal, kinda freaky, not gonna lie). Mind you this is the first boy I fell head over heels for. Ok, let me just do a little comparison for you...(fyi I watch waaaayyy to much tv to have so many comparisons) the movie Pearl Harbor (you know you've seen it, don't lie and act cool) you know how Kate's character falls in love with Ben's character and they only knew each other for like 4 days and you were thinking to yourself, really though who does that?! Um hi my name is courtney and that happened to me waaaaaahh. I knew he was leaving for the army in like 6 weeks but that didn't stop me. Okay, where was I going with this story??? holy rambing bullshit...hold on let me re-read what the hell I'm typing...ok ok ok. So I sat here and read the letters, got all depressed and stopped cleaning and got back in bed. Lame. So I put on another movie and decided to take a shower. Naturally, in the shower my mind goes crazy and now I have all this stuff to talk about, which means.....wait for it........wait for it...........hi new blog post! Whaaaaaaaaat!

So I totally LOVE getting new hair products/new make-up/new clothes! It's like you want to take a shower as soon as you get home so you can try out the new products and play with new make-up! So with that I like to thank Jesus everyday for giving me a vagina. Because seriously, what do boys get to look forward to? A new video game? Ew. Totally sucks for them. Not to mention, if I had turned out to be a boy do you know what my name would have been?? Cole.....uhh I just threw up a little in my mouth. So not only am I thankful for being a girl, but I'm also thankful for my name to be Courtney Michael because I seriously love it! So fitting.

Also in my insomnia moments I realized that this guy asked me on a date about a week and a half ago and I told him I would let him know when I was free and I totally forgot until now. Shit balls. Who's the douche bag now, coat? Fail. I don't like going on dates though, they're just awkward.

Ok, ok I'm starting to feel a little sleepy so I'm gonna try to sleep for about an hour. This sucks. So until next time....I'll be keeping my eyes propped open with toothpicks. Kisses....and what the hell, hugs too!! xoxo

I like it when you call me Big Poppa

What, what!!! Sorry for the delay in my posts, I'm sure you've all been chomping at the bit to know how my interview went....well......I totally rocked it!!! Naturally ;) Now I'm just keeping my fingers crossed until I hear back in about a week.

In 2010 is it wrong to call homeless people "bums"? Because I still do and frankly I don't think that's gonna change any time soon. Bums, bums, bums!!! (insert stick out tongue smiley icon here)

So Taco Tuesday was a success. I haven't seen that many people in quite awhile...thank god I was already drunk because I would have had an anxiety attack. We continued drinking (kettle soda) and Love and Shosh ran into some people they knew. This one guy that Lovely met up with was super HOTT and he was Irish which made him even hotter. So I kept talking to him because I liked his accent. I never knew I fell into that stereotypical category of "American women who fall for men with accents" but it turns out that I do. Shit. But seriously, sooo hott. He was telling me about the small town he was from in Ireland and I remember thinking, can I please take you home with me?! We actually talked for awhile...too bad I don't remember half of it. Wahhh. So then Wednesday came, and I was still drunk. Great. I drank my day's worth of water in the first hour of being awake. Then I spent the day hanging out with Lovely, which I wish I could do everyday.

So, on to New Year's. Me and Chase got all dolled up and went to BJ's for dinner and drinks. He was able to switch shifts after all! Fabulous! Turns out, we were surrounded only by couples and there was no one there to impress but each other. Such a waste of a hott outfit. Fuck. Oh well, we didn't let that bring us down! We had an awesome waitress named Lyndsey, who referred to a man as being a "vagina"....hi please pull up a chair because we're going to be friends, best friends. So naturally, she got our humor. Then there was a wrinkly old lady walking by holding her mojito (how hip was she?!) and Chase said, "whats yo name delicate?" and I just about shit my panties from laughing so hard. Naturally, that became our signature phrase of the night and we said it to just about every person that walked by. Mind you, not one person acknowledged us. Rude. After many laughs and a $90 tab, we headed home to ring in the new year. Aaron and Ryan came over and we continued drinking for a couple more hours and had a shitload of more laughs.

Today, OH today was quite the stepping stone in Coat's life (yes I just referred to myself in the 3rd person, get used to it) I actually cooked dinner that didn't involve some sort of pasta!! Whaaaaattt??? I had some stew meat that I needed to cook and it was too late to throw it in the crock pot, so I put it in a pot on the stove. I didn't mean for it to be like a stew but that's how it turned out. And it was actually good!! I added some sort of onion soup mix or something, then a can of diced tomatoes (which, I don't know what happened to those because I couldn't find them in the end result) some carrots (which I hate but mom said it adds flavor or something) and potatoes. Yum yum yum! Ciera was here to be a witness/guinea pig to my de-virginizing cooking skills. She said it was good...I don't think she would lie to me :/

Tomorrow me and Chase are off to SF to cause some shenannies! And Tony Bennett couldn't have said it better when he sang "I left my heart in San Francisco" because that's exactly how I feel. So until next time....I'm going to be an African Princess. Kisses.