I live to love and laugh a lot

Although lately I've only been laughing to keep myself from crying because nothing has been funny. (that was deep, I know.) But I'm slowly getting back to my fabulous ways :)

A month and 11 days. That's how long its been since my last post. WTF?! I really suck at this thing called life, but really, who's good at it? Exactly. So I'm just living it the best that I can. I mentioned in my last post that I was searching for a change in my life. Well, the following day I got just that and that's partly why I've been m.i.a. lately. You wanna know what it is? Too bad :) some things are just meant to be kept to myself. (I bet you just said to yourself, "this bitch") And I have deactivated my facebook account for the time being...and now that I think about it, unless my friends bookmarked my blog, they have no way of accessing it. Hmm. Sweet, so until i reactivate my fb which has this link on it, I'm just talking to myself. Eh, I'm okay with that. There were just some people that I needed to get away from. I didn't want to delete anyone because lets be honest, when my head clears again and I'm back to my fabulous ways, you know I'm gonna want to go back to stalking them and I'm not gonna look like a fool and re-add them as a friend, that's just embarrassing. (not really, but you know what I mean. Hopefully.) And I just feel like hiding from the world for right now as I ponder life and all my future endeavors. I also felt like my fb posts were getting really negative and I don't want to be the Negative Nelly that rains on everyone's parade, because I don't like others that do that to me. I know my posts have kinda been negative nelly's too, but so what, this is my place to rant on life and if you don't like it, don't read it :) So all in all, this is a positive step in the right direction in the Life of Coat.

Speaking of positive steps, please tell me WHY I like to torture myself so much. I'm ridiculous. No, I don't care to explain.

OH! and how bout those Giants!!!! I'm not a baseball fan, er, wasn't a baseball fan in the least until the playoffs when the Giants played the Phillies. I felt it was my obligation to watch the games seeing as how the local team was going so far, and I like to know what everyone was talking about on facebook. Who knew I'd be so into it! I'm amazed at the plethora of baseball knowledge I have obtained in the past 2 weeks. I'm surprising even myself. I never realized there were so many pretty boys in baseball! Pshh, where the hell have I been?! Living under a rock. Clearly. And you all know I like to look at pretty things :) I must admit, I have developed a little crush on Tim Lincecum. Random? Absolutely. His hair grosses me out (if you know me, you know I really hate long hair, I prefer the clean cut look), and he's not that cute, but whatevs, a crush nonetheless :) And I can't leave out Jonathan Sanchez and my bf in the outfield Andres Torres. Love. I picked up some other favorites along the way too, CJ Wilson from the rangers- aye dios mio!! That one is by far the hottest of them all! And Chase Utley from the Phillies. I was sad to see them go, but I quickly got over it. Although seeing all the pretties on the Rangers and in the stands did give me positive feedback on what I might encounter if I move there. I ain't mad.

I do have more to talk about, but I'm thinking I should probably get back to work :) So until next time, I'm anxiously awaiting the arrival of the little nugget. Kisses xoxo

i really don't like to be called "hun" but you can call me "hunny" :)

I'm baaaaaaaack!! But barely! Jesus, I almost died today from being asphyxiated from the fumes of a jank ass car that CLEARLY missed the memo on Cash for Clunkers. Fucker. But on a serious note, sorry for being m.i.a. but I've had some internet technical difficulties. And when I say "technical difficulties" I mean my shit got shut off. :) Apparently people don't like it when you get 5 months behind on your payments. Sheesh, so picky. You know, the saying "you don't realize what you've got til its gone" is SOOOO true! I didn't realize how much I use the internet and like to have the tv on when I'm home until I didn't have it anymore. (yeah, that got shut off at the same time) but, whatevs all is well now! I can't help it that I would much rather spend my hard earned money on myself rather than bills.

So I just read my last post to see where I left off, and geez, was I bitter when I wrote that or what?! I guess a lot has changed since then and my feelings aren't quite the same. That certain person that I was referring to is still in my life and we do talk quite often. Let's be honest here, I'm totally crazy about him :/ (I slightly hope he doesn't read this because I don't want him to know that...but, I'm sure he has a hunch) I know I should just let it go, but I can't seem to walk away. I mean, honestly, who really wants to walk away from something that just seems so right? Then again, who really wants to walk back into something that we ALL know is so wrong? Yeah, that'd be me. So after a small hiatus, Jason has come back into my life. (I bet you just said to yourself, whaaaaaat?!) I know. We started talking again but just as friends, don't worry. It's nice to have him in my life again, but at the same time, its a little weird. I quickly realized some things never change. And when I say things, I really mean people. It is what it is. Basically, that is my life's motto these days, it is what it is.

And since the last time I blogged, nephew #1 has arrived!! My precious little cricket named Trent Jacob! I'm totally in love with him! I can't believe he's already going to be 1 month old tomorrow. Time flies. And then Crystle's little nugget is gonna be here before we know it! So many new things in life and none are mine. That's why I think I should move. I mean, why not? There's nothing here holding me back. I think I just need some sort of change. I'm getting bored with this same shit, different day lifestyle.

I don't have anything else to share soooo until next time....I'll be searching for a change :) kisses! xoxo

Apparently I don't speak "Douche Bag"....

Thank god. Although, actually it would be nice to have it as a second language so I can better understand the signals of being played. You know, like knowing Spanish and being a complete white girl. Then when you come in contact with a bunch of shit talking Latina's you secretly know what they're saying and can either play it cool and just know what's up or you can throw a comment right back at them and watch their faces go white and hit the floor :) I've always wanted to do that, its on my bucket list.

**DISCLAIMER** I would just like to apologize ahead of time for the repeated use of the word "fuck" in the following post. It's the only way to get my point across :/


So the guy I was gushing about in my previous post, "cupcake", yeah he's fluent in Douche Bag. I was oblivious and fell for it all. I know I said I knew I was being played, but really, it all came too late. I should have listened to everyone from the beginning, but I honestly didn't see it. That's what I get for being optimistic. So you remember how I said I felt totally comfortable around him and could tell him anything? Apparently that's his bait. He even made the comment that he knew I trusted him (which, calm down dude, I don’t trust people very easily. Just because I told you something that I don’t tell many people doesn’t mean I trust you, it just means I had a weak moment ;)) and this is where fluent douche bag kicks in because if you knew someone trusted you, why would you fuck with them? I guess I really AM that naive. {OH! and he wonders why he only attracts "crazy girls"? Umm HELLO!!! They're crazy because you make them that way! You fuck with their head by reeling them in with saying all the right things and then fuck them over. I swear, boys are so stupid sometimes.} Anyway, I was honest with how I felt aaaaaaand now he won’t talk to me. Seriously?...like, really?! People do that?! Laaaaaame. So much for being honest. I guess I am good people and don’t even know how to mess with other people’s head. So why am I only attracted to these fuckers? Why can’t I find the ones who think like me? Whaaaateverrrrrrrr. You live, you learn!!

So I think I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m just destined to be single—for now. As much as I would really love to have a bf right now, I’m really not looking for my forever. I just don’t want to be alone. I want someone to talk to, who likes me for me, and is interested in what I have to say/do. Oh, and wants to spend time with me, duh. :) What can I say, I'm a hopeless romantic at heart and according to my psychic my whole being is revolved around love. Makes total sense. But really, deep down, I think I’ve only been attracted to the bad ones because I truly don’t want to be in a relationship at the moment. I just want to figure out who I am, what makes me happy and what I want out of life. See, I do learn a lot from my therapist! Unfortunately, I’m the type of person that has to pay for this free self exploring advice that I could probably get from my friends….whatev, don’t judge.

I know you love reading all this juiciness to get to know the real Coat and what truly is on her mind (and yes, I did just refer to myself in third person).....otherwise you wouldn't be reading this, would you? So until next time....I'll be soul-searching :) kisses!! xoxo

You make me feel like I’m living a teenage dream

And my heart stops when you look at me.

Those would be the lyrics from Katy Perry’s new song which totally explains how I feel at the moment. I decided I’m going to share some stuff that’s really personal to me and I probably shouldn't share it here seeing as how I have NO idea who reads this, but……whatevs. So I met this guy a couple months ago, I’m just going to call him….cupcake. ;) I knew he was different from any other guy I've met from the moment I started talking to him. (Call it a woman’s intuition if you will) Not that that really means anything. He has an awesome personality and he makes me laugh. I don’t think I’ve ever met a person that makes me so happy just by talking to them, in my life. Talking to him instantly puts me in a better mood and leaves me with a smile on my face for hours. If that happens just by talking to him, how do you think I feel when I see him? Yeah. It scares the crap out of me. He makes me feel like I’m the only person in the world when we talk and I felt incredibly comfortable around him from the moment I met him. (Which for those of you who know me, know that doesn't come easy for me) He’s totally someone I know I could fall head over heels for…IF (and that's a biiiiggg "if") I let my guard down…but let’s not get ahead of ourselves here, I’m not in any hurry to get my heart broken any time soon. We aren't dating or anything, we're just friends (which in a way, I think, makes it harder) It all seems too good to be true…..

Ok, ok, ok that^ was written and was how I felt a couple days ago. Granted, 99% of the feelings are still the same (you just can't help how you feel) only now, I’ve seen the light and I know that I’m just being played. So now, naturally, I have my guard so far up that I can barely see past it. Nice, right? Don’t get me wrong, he’s still an awesome guy, and I would love to get to know him better, its just now I know where I stand. He doesn't want to date anyone. (Story of my life, right?) Not saying I’m ok with it, but, well, it is what it is.

Ok enough of that...

Last night I went out for drinks with my friend Sam, whom I have known and been friends with since the 7th grade. We were in much need of a catch up sesh because it's been entirely too long. We had some refreshing beers at Chili's (duh) and gossiped over some delicious queso. We covered everything from past to present, job, love life (or lack there of on both our parts) and where we want to be in both the near and distant future, the cross country road-trip that we still need to complete and where we want to move to in order to find our future husbands. Which btw we decided either Texas or Tennessee. Or North Carolina or Georgia. You know, one of those nice country states. I've always wanted to live in either North Carolina or Georgia for at least 6 months to a year, just to see what its like. Don't get me wrong, I love Cali, I just want to know what its like in other parts of the country. You know, where it's not so expensive to live, the people aren't so rude and where they have a nice little accent :) And as Sam said last night, "There's plenty of fish in the sea, but the thing no one ever told you is the "sea" isn't Turlock." So with this whole idea of a move, I'm hoping to find a nice southern gentleman where ever it is I end up, but preferably one who isn't a super religious conservative. I think I just really narrowed my odds....

But don't think that's my only plan! If the whole southern gentleman thing doesn't work out, maybe I'll move to Orange County. Not only is that the home to corporate offices of Quicksilver, Fox, DC, Hurley (and many, many others) where I've always wanted to work, its also the home to a lot of "bros". You know what I'm talking about (well I know a couple readers that probably don't, so this lil definition is for you, courtesy of Urban Dictionary. You're welcome ;) ) BRO: A usually white young male, found commonly in places like San Bernardino and Orange County, CA. Always without exception, drive big lifted trucks, often white. Has the name of their crew or whatever in big white letters on their back window (i.e.: "skin" or "metal mulisha") Wear trucker hats off center, sunglasses, wife beater shirts, sagging dickies shorts, high black socks, skater shoes or those black corduroy slipper things, have lots of tattoos (soooo hott) of things like stars. And I would just like to add to that list, motocross racers. Need I say more? I think not. Although, most "bros" tend to have DOUCHE BAG written all over them, I can't help but be extremely attracted to them and I'm determined to find one who isn't a db. :)

I hope you enjoyed that little insight to my life, wasn't easy to do, but I don't care. I might regret it later though, so until next time....I'm pushing that little "publish post" button before I change my mind :) kisses! xo

I light matches with lighters.

No joke. In my 26 years of existence, I've never struck a match (I think that's what you call it). It scares me.

Have I mentioned lately that I need an assistant? Because I do. My life is such a hot mess I really don't know how I get through my day. But I do. Maybe I just want someone to talk to...I get tired of being alone all the time. Perhaps I just need more friends. Ha.

So I went grocery shopping with my boo (Chase) the other night since he didn't want to go alone. We made our way through the store, then we got to the meat section. Okay, this is my least favorite part of the store....actually, I take that back, I don't like the produce section just as much...but anyway, watching me trying to buy meat is a pure shit show. I don't have the slightest idea as to what the hell I'm looking at/for. Mom sent me to get hamburger meat last weekend and it took me, no lie, like 10 mins to find it. When I look at all that cow, everything looks the same to me. I feel like I'm staring at a blank white wall. (It's kinda along the same lines as me walking into my mom's garage....it's a black hole. I see nothing.) So I told Chase this and he explained it to me in the most simplest way, he said "it's like a boy, you want it to be big and pretty, not BLEHHHH!" Now this made COMPLETE sense to me!! I love how he speaks my language and understands how I think. I wish I could keep him in my pocket at all times so he can translate my daily life into "Courtney language".

Just when I thought my luck was turning around.....it's not. And no I don't care to expand on that.

So my 2 week vacation went by entirely too fast (which they always do) and now I've been back to work for a week.....a week and a select few of my coworkers are already getting under my skin. Seriously, isn't it time for them to retire already?! Ughhh. I have zero patients for old forgetful brains. Long story short, the main culprit of my irritations told me I was "creepy" today. Right when I was about to stab her with my freshly sharpened pencil for the rude remark, I realized that it probably wouldn't be the best idea since she's so old, her blood probably wouldn't clot from the wound and then we'd just have a big mess. So I just took a deep breath and continued on keeping to myself in my corner. (FYI- my boxing sesh tonight is going to be intense!) Then I remembered my bestie Cie is coming back to work on Monday and I had a sudden sigh of relief because I'm so excited to have her back! We work well together :)

Fair starts today. I will be going tomorrow night and I plan on having an amazing time. I'm going to the derby on Monday with my sister and working the beer booth next Saturday. I hope to have some stories of pure shenanigans to share with you soon. So until next time, I'll be browsing the classifieds to find a new job. Kisses! xoxo

Boy, you got whatever it is....or so I thought.

You all know I like to compare and explain my life through song lyrics, right?! Well this one is quite fitting for me right now. Can I please find a guy that feels this way about me? And when I say that, I mean someone who I feel the same for. Or is it too much to ask? Maybe it is. But I know it exists.

Zac Brown Band
"Whatever It Is"

She got eyes that cut you like a knife
And lips that taste like sweet red wine
And pretty legs go to heaven every time
She got a gentle way that puts me at ease
When she walks in the room I can hardly breathe
Got a devastating smile knock a grown man to his knees


She got whatever it is
It blows me away
She's everything I want to say to a woman but couldn't find the words to say
She got whatever it is
I don't know what to do
Cause every time I try and tell her how I feel it comes out "I love you"
You got whatever it is

You know I've never been the type that would ever want to stay
Bring 'em home at night and they're gone the next day
But that all changed when she walked into my life
And people askin why it is
Tell them I don't know
Just something about the woman makes my heart go haywire
And she's gonna be my wife


She got whatever it is
It blows me away
She's everything I want to say to a woman but couldn't find the words to say
She got whatever it is
I don't know what to do
Cause every time I try and tell her how I feel it comes out "I love you"
You got whatever it is

Cause when she loves me
Girl that's how I feel
Cause when she loves me I'm on top of the world
Cause when she loves me I can live forever
And she loves me I am untouchable

She got whatever it is
It blows me away
She everything I wanted to say to a woman but couldn't find the words to say
She got whatever it is
I don't know what to do
Cause every time I try and tell her how I feel it comes out "I love you"
"i do"
You got whatever it is
Oh you got whatever it is







Thank you very much, have a nice day.

I'm a "buy the apples already sliced" kind of girl

Greetings loved ones,

Today I realized every clock I own says a different time. Cute. Seeing as how POPCORN no longer exists, I don't think I'm ever going to know the real time again. That's comforting.

So, I've realized something recently. I think I need to find a man at the gym. Granted this does require me to actually join a gym, BUT my realization isssss, its very important to know what a guy looks/smells like when he sweats! You all know what I'm talking about. Some guys are so sexy attractive when they sweat (i.e.: Justin Timberlake), and then there's some that are, well.....crusty crust and make you wanna vomit (I can't even give you an example because I might vomit a little in my mouth). So, think about it, after a little sexy-sexy time, what do you want to look over and see? Exactly. Sweating is a very important part of a relationship and if you think your man is horribly nasty when he sweats, please tell me how THAT'S gonna work out in the end! Please sign me up at In-Shape! Thanks.

We went to dinner with my dad for fathers day. It was cool. We went to the fruit yard.....classy bitches there, let me tell you. Mullets and tattoos everywhere. Don't get me wrong, I think tattoos are super hott....if they're done the right way. The tatts I saw were of lips on necks....not hott. One of the ladies working there complimented me on my hair (btw I LOVE compliments and anytime I hear compliments flying around me I just assume they're about me....half the time they're not) she said my hair is "funky" and asked if I was a hairdresser (another question I get A LOT) because I looked like I would be because I was trendy. What does Crystle say? Your hair's ugly and you look high maintenance. Thanks sister, I ain't mad. I love being back on good terms with my sister, I missed her. She also told me she can't wait til her baby starts kicking harder so she can put her belly on me and have the baby kick me. I love it.

My 2 week vacation starts in a week....this is going to be the longest week of my life.

I went to SF last weekend to see Love and Shosh....I really can't even tell you how much I love those girls. 6 months is entirely too long between visits. Its always a good time when we get together....now I just need to get them down here in the "country" for a visit. Talk about a culture shock for them. Haha.

Okay, okay, okay, I can't think of anything else to talk about (which makes me sound totally boring) but I'm sure I'll have lots to talk about in the upcoming weeks...so until next time..... "I'll be flirting with my eyes". kisses.

MAY is my birthday month!!!! Let the shenannies begin!

Dear Dunkin Donuts coffee,
Your advertising is quite convincing....however, your product tastes like ass. I can't believe I wasted $6 on you.

Okay, so I'm totally slacking on this whole blog thingy. But honestly there hasn't been too much excitement happening in the life of coat. Twentyten definitely has had a lot in store for me. Not so great, but defdef something to grow from. It's been quite a rollercoaster the past couple months and I've learned A LOT- the good, the bad and the ugly, uh, er...well, in my case, the pretty ;) I must take a moment to thank jesus for therapists!

So I'm going to be an Auntie!!! I'm going to have a little nephew come August. (its been so long I'm not sure if I've mentioned this in a previous blog) I call him Cricket :) and I now call Jamie Kankle Big Boobs. She's totally gonna kick my ass for just saying that. But I came up with that awesomly creative Indian (feather not dot), excuse me, Native American nickname tonight and I'm still laughing about it. Hahahaaa. And since apparently one is never enough, come November there will be another addition to the clan. This one I like to call Flick[a] because as of right now, Crystle doesn't want to find out the sex. (btw, this TOTALLY puts a wrench in my pre-baby shopping, seeing as how I'm not a fan of unisex colors) Since I have a gut instinct that its a girl, I'm going pink all the way. (fyi I had a gut Cricket was gonna be a boy, and since I was right, I'm fully convinved I'm right...again) So in the case that Flick[a] comes out a boy, he'll just have to buck up and wear the pink til he grows out of it :)

So with all the talk in my previous posts about wanting to learn how to box, my momma and wendy got me a punching bag for my birthday!!! Soooooo great!! I absolutely LOVE it. I never knew punching a bag could feel so good! I'm sure the pure fact that its pink has a little something to do with it ;) Although I'm still a beginner, I haven't quite got the stance down yet. Practice makes perfect though. I just really hate to sweat.

Sorry my first post back from my break is so short, but I really don't have much to share! So until next time....I'm gonna get a shot of botox right between my brows! kisses!! xoxo

I really hope I don't have to pee...

Crystle: "Officer, I was zooming to get away from that creepy guy in the van making rude and disgusting gestures at us!"
Cop: "Ma'am there were no cars around you"
Crystle: "Yeah, because I zoomed to get away from him!"
Just reminiscing on a memory back when me and Crys were going to Aaron's and she got a speeding ticket while driving my car. Hahahaaaa, so great. Best $300 memory ever. Thank god it wasn't my $300.

Shame on me for not sharing this in my last post but I'M GONNA BE AN AUNTIE!!! Yayyyy!! I'm so excited to have a little nephew! I've named him cricket (prior to knowing its sex) and well, because he doesn't have a name yet. No Crystle is not preggo but Jamie is!!! After August life as I know it up until now will be all different. Hopefully for the better (because we all know how selfish I am and I like to have all the attention).

So this morning when I got out of the shower I noticed some water on the floor around the toilet. Seeing as how I just woke up I was completely confused as to where it could possibly come from. Naturally, thinking the way I do, I thought to myself....did I just pee on the floor?!?! How is that at all possible?? Then in my sleepy daze I convinced myself that that is what had happened so I just cleaned it up and continued with my morning routine. (I'm not making this up, I swear on my Louis) and then I thought, fuck now I gotta hard core clean this bitch when I get home today. Fyi- I really hate cleaning, especially the bathroom. So I came home and started cleaning. To my surprise and total relievement of my first conclusion of what had happened I found a crack in the toilet with a constant drip. Thank god. So, if all goes as planned I will have a brand new toilet tomorrow! Too bad I can't use the toilet until then. Well, I can, but I just have to be careful and turn the water on and off before I flush. You know what this means for me right?? I can't eat dinner because I won't be able to poo after. That's right, I said it.

Tomorrow is gonna be a GREAT day!!! Ciera is coming over and we are going to enjoy some delicious cherry vodka beverages! Loves it! I'm sososo excited!

So I got a new book, its called "If I'm So Wonderful, Why Am I Still Single?". My therapist recommended it. She probably got tired of all my bitching about Jason. Ya know, it actually makes a lot of sense and I can totally relate! I'm hoping its going to have a positive effect on my life and I'm being entirely optimistic about it. Ha, we'll see how long this lasts.

Ok, I have to go back and finish cleaning my bathroom now. Yes I stopped in the middle of cleaning to blog- its the ADD. So until next time...you can just call me Auntie Coat! :) kisses.

You play it so cool and I've got the hots for you

Whoa, where has the time gone?! I didn't even realize its been so long since my last post. You missed me didn't you?? I know ;) I like to think I'm one to be missed. Quick note before I get talking about myself (which I'm sure you're aware, is one of my favorite things to do), tonight's Chelsey Lately interview with Crispin Glover is horribly painful yet hysterically funny all at the same time. If you didn't watch it, you tube it.

And because, as you know, I am totally obsessed with celebrity gossip I must give my 2 cents on the Sandra Bullock/Jesse James drama...my heart hurts for her. He is trash (very hott trash, but trash nonetheless) and I'm sad to say I DID see it coming. Once a cheater, always a cheater.

I'm quickly coming to a realization that I'm getting old(er). I just can't hang like I used to...and when I say that I'm entirely referring to my alcohol consumption. Oh how I wish I could turn back time to when I could consume lots of alcohol without vomiting and/or having a horrific hangover the next day that lasts at least 2-3 days. So St. Patty's day I drank beer and continued to get, in my dad's words, "sploshed" needless to say it didn't end well. Saturday came around and I went to hangout with my bestie Ciera and I was still hungover- I'm not even shitting you. I tried to drink and it just wasn't happening. BUT, one week later and the strike is over! I'm ready for a beer....maybe even some vodka. Yum :)

"Pilates is better than sex"....I don't think so.

Sweet mother can I please tell you that I really need some attention! Jesus. I've been so lonely lately, its kind of pathetic. Okay, whatevs I'm going to bed now. So until next time....I'm calling Sylvia Browne so she can tell me my future. kisses.

I think I have a janky people phobia...BLEHH

What.Up. I had such a great weekend! Worked on my house and got injured. They really need a hard hat body suits for fragil princesses like me. I stepped on a nail and Lovely thought I meant an old acrylic nail...thiiiiiis bitch. I laughed so hard I choked on my egg mcmuffin. I don't know what I would do without her! Love you long time sister girl!!

Have I ever mentioned that I like to compare my life to song lyrics? Because I do. The one at the top of my list right now is "What do you want from me" by Adam Lambert. I just watched the video and frankly, I think he does his hair and makeup better than I do mine. Yo, Adam, call me, lets swap techniques ;) Next, "Fairytale" by Taylor Swift because, well, do I really need to say it? And lastly, to round out my top 3 "Pray for you" by Jaron and The Long Road to Love (apparently they felt it was neccessary to have such a long ridiculous name). I don't know if anyone else remembers Evan and Jaron, twin brothers that used to sing, I guess, pop music back in the day??? (personally I always thought Evan was cuter than Jaron, even though they're twins) Anyway, thats the Jaron in this new country group. Small world! Okay that last one really has no comparison to my life right now I just really like it :)

I don't know if anyway else has noticed this or not but what's with all these this or that's nowadays? You know, Oreo has "to dunk or not to dunk" and toilet paper has "over or under"....seriously?! Who fucking cares?!?! Lame ass marketing ploy. Although I will gladly admit to voting for the next California Cow....I felt bad for the one in cold gloomy weather! (she won btw) I would also like to say that I like how they still use the same Cadbury Egg commercial that they used when I was 5. Way to keep things fresh Brits.

Feel free to comment on any of my posts! I like the feedback...not to mention I like to know who's really that interested in my life. A quick shout out to a (possible) new follower, Simon...what.up. Sorry this post is so short and really not that interesting, but I'm tired :( so until next time....I'm going to get a tetanus shot since I got rabies when I stepped on that nail. kisses!

I think I was baptized in dirty water

Just kidding. I was never baptized.....maybe that's my problem. Neh, I like me just the way I am :) So I've been trying to eat healthier lately (I won't use the word "diet" because that's just doomed to fail) and now ALL I think about is food. I'm constantly hungry!! If I worked out everytime I thought about food, I'd be one skinny bitch. Too bad I'm too lazy and don't like to sweat. Not to mention working out is soooo boring!! I get on my treadmill and after 2 mins it feels like 30....that's not a good sign. I'm hoping I'll get some sort of exercise as I work on my house this weekend and knock out another wall :) not to mention get out any built up anger I may have. Although I must say, I have been one happy camper these past couple days! Shocker, I know. Just enjoy it while it lasts because it could be gone at any moment.

So once again, I'm on my kick of I want to learn how to box. I thought it was just a phase I was going through before since it was gone after a couple days. But since its back I think its more than a phase and I really want to learn. Naturally I MUST get pink boxing gloves. You think they make matching punching bags? Gonna get that too. Duh. Where am I gonna put this glorious anger management releaser? No clue. We'll worry about details later. I think I might have my dad convinced of getting me one because I asked if he knew how and could teach me. Since he thinks I'm fat and needs to exercise anyway, maybe this will be the perfect reason to get me one. But for anyone that knows my dad knows he doesn't like to spend money on anything. He's such a tight wad, I really think he shits diamonds. Which only leads me to, doesn't he know I'm in desperate need of diamond earrings?? Shit. But don't get me wrong I love the guy, he's great, he's my daddy :)

You know how dogs have shock collars so they don't bark? Well if I had one that zapped me everytime I said or even thought something bitchy I'm pretty sure I'd be dead. Not to mention I'm gonna get my ass kicked one of these days for mocking people when they're still in earshot. Its not that I do it to make fun of them (well, usually) its just that since I've been living alone, I've developed this horrible habit of mocking whatever I hear (i.e.: the radio or tv) because I have no one to talk to. Sometimes you just gotta talk and theres only so much I can say to myself. AND I talk to my cat a lot. She likes it. She meow's right back at me as though we're having a conversation. She's so entertaining, I love it.

Thank god I get my nails done tomorrow, they're so jankety jank right now. Oh, oh! So I got a new Blackberry and I'm so much more in love with it than I was the last one! Why, you may ask? Because it's fresh. I get bored very easily and I gotta freshen things up once in awhile, ya know? That's why I need a new car sooooooon. We can't have my phone fresher than my ride now can we?? That's also why I need a new boyfriend....hahaaa.

Well its that time again, I must bring this blog entry to an end. Don't be sad, I'll be back. So until next time...I'm goin to a tarot card reader and see whats going on in my future. Kisses!

It's just another "courtney moment"

Okay, so my attention was just caught by an article on Yahoo that read "How asexual species survive" wow good question, this is gonna be interesting! So I clicked on the article and proceeded to read. Ok.....I got to about the 3rd paragraph and I have no fucking clue what they're talking about!! I feel like I'm reading a foreign language. So if someone wants to read about these asexual lizards, feel free to fill me in with "Courtney language" thanks, I'd appreciate it. (here's the link: http://www.wired.com/wiredscience/2010/02/secrets-of-asexuality?npu=1&mbid=yhp )

So the other night I had quite an interesting dream. Let me share. I was dating Snoop Dogg (but he looked like Lamar Odom, you know, Mr. Khloe Kardashian) and he drove a Bentley that was bullet proof because, naturally, he was a well known drug dealer. He scared the shit out of me so why I was dating him, idk...but I did feel safe when I rode in his car. Ha. I blame this dream entirely on a dinner conversation with Crystle and Lacey on whether or not we've ever hooked up with a black guy. Needless to say, I have not. So this leads into my Saturday night! Had dinner with these two girls and I couldn't tell you the last time this happened so it was a nice reunion. Then we met up with some old friends that I haven't seen since the shit hit the fan with my sister. It was just like old times, so great. So we went to Speak Easy for drinks, which is never a let down. Ran into some people I haven't seen in awhile, which only makes me think, shit I need to get out more. But as much fun as I had, it was NOT my night and when I say that I mean I didn't get hit on once! NOT ONCE!!! WTF?!?! Whatever. Drank entirely too much and was beyond hungover the following day. Beyond.

Oh, ok, has anyone seen that Playtex commercial (I think its Playtex, that's the bras right? or is that tampons??) you know, the bra commercial. Anyway, they're advertising a bra in a box.... a BOX! and how convenient it is because you can see through it to make sure you have the right color. Okay.....I've heard of "dick in a box" and that's funny, but bra in a box or wine in a box, not funny. Some things just aren't meant to be in a box!

Onto another random thought in my head. I went to the movies and saw Valentine's Day (it was cute, but def not Oscar worthy) and I couldn't help but think (and get completely freaked out about) sitting in seats that have been sat in by other random quite possibly crusty people and the fear of getting head lice. That's it, I'm getting Netflix. Not to mention, when people clap and cheer at movie scenes it makes me very uncomfortable and awkward. Why? No clue. So from now on I'm watching movies in the comfort of my own home and if anyone watching with me cheers or claps, I'm kicking them out of my house. You have been warned :)

I would love to keep writing, but I gotta go freshen up because I'm having dinner with my Pops tonight. We all know I'm all about a free meal! So until next time.... nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn. (thats what meesha said as she walked across my keyboad) Kisses!

I have a hard time blogging while Jeopardy is on

It's baking night! Too bad I'm not as excited about it as I was last week. Valentine cupcakes and bite size brownies. I know you're jealous.

I really hate being alone. I'm alone right now, as I usually am whenever I'm at home. **Side note: my cat is sitting next to me turning her head at me (you know, like a dog does when its confused) to the point where she's almost falling over and she's drooling. DROOLING!** It's this moment when I really wish I had a bf to come keep me company and give me the attention I need. I mean, should it be this hard?? Eff. **okay, talk about easily distracted tonight! I just saw a commercial for "scalpicin" (I think is what its called, not quite worth the rewind to double check) but they're wipes to wipe your hair and ears and shit. That was the most disgusting thing I've seen since watching the 5 o'clock news when they showed poop on a bus.** You're probably thinking, well stop bitching and go out and meet people! (because thats what I'm thinking) but its really not that easy. When I go out and I'm not feeling confident, I'm ridiculously shy and can't make eye contact with anyone (umm hi, how old are you Coat?!) Then when I'm confident I'm just a bitch and there's no one good enough for me. Where's my happy medium?! Fuck. So with all this talk I must share with you that super hott Garrett (the UPS guy, keep up people!) has been on my route for the past two days and I've been as giddy as a school girl. So pathetic. He makes me so nervous I almost can't look at him...almost. He's so pretty I really can't stop staring at him. Ughhhhh. Why can't I find this with someone who feels the same back?? Does that even exist? Yes. Because I live in a fantasy land where anything can happen. Only it just hasn't yet. Boo.

So my list of "People I Could Live Without" is growing rapidly by the day. Is that bad? I don't care.

When I hear cars honking outside I automatically think they're honking at me as if I were the only person that lives around here. Is that selfish? Whatevs.

ok, I'm tired and I'm only half way done with my baking. Eff. So until next time.....I'm getting the fire extinguisher ready because my oven keeps popping and I think its gonna explode. Kisses.

Who knew this pretty, pretty princess could do manual labor ;)

Dear Jesus,
I would like to take a moment to thank you for not blessing me with deep eye sockets and for blessing me with a wonderful family and for the friends that I consider family.
Thank you...uh, err...amen.

So as I'm sure you're all aware, Valentine's Day is fastly approaching (6 days to be exact) and once again I have no one to spend it with. (more on that in a minute) So I must say I have a love/hate relationship with this February 14th holiday. I LOVE all the pink cutesy goodies that come with the holiday, I pretty much buy everything I can get my soft, gentle, princess hands on. BUT, I also HATE it because the odds are ALWAYS against me with having a boy to spend it with so I can have my hopeless romantic fantasy, you know, the kind you see in movies. So in the next 6 days I'm praying for a miracle in the fact that something will happen and I'll have someone to spend the day with and it won't end up with me on my couch alone watching a sappy movie and shedding tears into my box of chocolates. Some of you may be wondering, "well, what about that Jason guy?" Pshh. Not only did he say he's boycotting the holiday, but with my quick sound of disgust, he quickly replied with "but I'm sure we can find something to do to make memories." Nice save. But that was a few weeks ago and a lot has changed since then. I've been trying very hard to part ways with this young fellow but all I can do is take it one day at a time. So far, so good. Okay, I'm lying, it really sucks. Even though its the best decision, its still a slap to my ego.

Last week I came upon a situation that I actually asked myself, "how am I supposed to feel sexy right now when I have to poo?" It's a totally legit question! Think about it, ponder it and I bet you'll come up with the same answer as me. :)

I totally wish I lived the life that happens in my dreams, because let me tell you I have the most ahh-mayy-zingggg dreams!! Well, except of course the one I had of a terrorist attack. Aside from the attack, in the same dream, my Noni came back and she had mad jokes knockin on Betty White. Pure comedy hour. It was great. RIP Noni- I love you.

I gotta go now, Big Bang Theory is on. Its my new favorite show! (and I secretly have a crush on Sheldon) So until next time....I'll be stocking up on kleenex for this weekend :/ kisses!!

If you only knew....

I just spent a really long time writing my new post and now its gone. GONE! Needless to say I'm really pissed right now. It was good too. Too bad now you're never gonna know the juiciness that was the post titled "Like a virgin, I'm Madonna". Shit.

I REFUSE to be a middle-aged bride

First off, I would just like to say for the record, if a random stranger comes up to me in a parking lot, I will not talk to them....unless they're hott ;)

So I'm totally sick of seeing this burn scar on my hand (fyi- still on the hunt for an Ov-glove) so while I was doing my make-up this morning I decided to try to disguise it. Totally a better idea in my head than in real life. So apparently my hand rubs up against my boob A LOT and I never noticed. (This is partly due to the fact that I'm so used to it happening that I don't notice and partly due to the fact that I don't have much feeling around the scars) So with that, I now have make-up on my shirt right around the lower boobage area. Glorious. Naturally, live and learn. So with all this talk about boobies, leads me to my next topic....

It really irks me when I see girls with, like, maybe a C cup and people describe her with big boobs. Really? No. I would LOVELOVELOVE to be that size! So if a C cup is considered big, what the hell am I? Some sort of behemoth?! Fuck. Who gets a reduction just to have them grow back to their original greatness? This brute. I hate my boobs. They make me feel like white trash. But they're all I know. With that, I think its completely normal to hold things between them (i.e.: cell phone, camera, pens, Sophia champagnes) and to use them as an extra hand (i.e.: setting objects on them when my hands are full) Shit, might as well use them if they're gonna be all up in my business! Not to mention Oliver likes to lay on them. Which I must say, they are quite squishy; who needs memory foam when you got these ladies to lay on?! I'm just now realizing not everyone gets to experience these pros :)

Random: This morning when I was getting ready for work, I danced around in my bra and panties to Black Eyes Peas "Imma Be". It was amazing.

So I was telling Jason about this blog and he asked me if I talked about him. Duh. He also asked if I use his real name. Duh. He asked if I wouldn't and if I could call him something else. So I said, sure, what would you like me to call you? Muffin? Snoop? (he really hates it when I call him either of those, so naturally being the bitch that I am I do- all the time) He was like no, Tyrone.......(looooong pause and picture the completely serious/confused look on my face) Umm, no. So Jason will continued to be referred to as "Jason".

Furthermore, I think its really annoying when people make their "default" picture (on social networking sites) to be of them and their bf or gf kissing. And when I say that, I'm referring to one particular person that I keep seeing around every fucking corner I turn. It's almost haunting and I hate it.

That's all for now, so until next time...I wanna become the U.S. treasurer so my signiture can be on money. Wish me luck. Kisses.

You wanna get with me? Add your name to the waiting list

I hate being sick. Who gets the flu twice in one season?! Me. I don't realize how awesome I am until I'm restricted to my bed. As if getting the goddamn SWINE flu 2 months ago wasn't enough (which might I add should have been at least 5 years worth of flu). Whatevs.

So I decided my new year's resolution...I'm gonna learn to calm my crazy....tame the beast if you will. Sounds good right?! I know. Wait...are new year resolutions supposed to be realistic or just a good idea? Because me calming the crazy would be like teaching a dog to use a litter box....not completely unrealistic, yet highly unlikely. Hmm.....maybe I need to pick a new one. Ok, but serial I do need to relax a bit more because at the rate I'm going I'm gonna have a coronary by the time I'm 35. Heart disease is the #1 killer of women ya know! (a heart attack is considered a heart disease right?)

I tried to go back to work today but it just wasn't really happening. I only made it through half a day. But while I was there UPS came, thinking it was Bill I was headed out to say hello. To my surprise it was Garrett! *deep sigh* soooo was not prepared to see that pretty face! Fyi, there are just some people that I have to mentally prepare myself for so I can be calm, cool and collected and present myself in the utmost fabulous way possible. If I don't prepare......we get what happened today. Disaster. It was like I was a 15 year old girl again, giddy and giggly. EWW. God I hate when I get like that!! I wasn't embarrassed but I was embarrassed for myself in that moment. Does that make sense? I don't know why I get like that (ok I do, its because I totally have a "kindergarten crush" on him AND he knows this) it's not like I've never talked to him before. Fuck, I'm totally annoyed with myself as I'm reliving this situation to share with you. He's cool though, super chatty, which I like. As we were chatting I hear a noise.....what might this noise be you ask? The sound of mini blinds being pulled open at top speed. I look over at Patti's office and all I see are 6 faces staring at us and giggling. Then the blinds close but Kathy is still peeking through. It didn't faze him and I just shook my head and said "assholes". They're so nosey in my business!!! But I don't mind, I kinda like the attention ;) Anyway, we were chatting and to be honest with you I have no idea what he was talking about! Ha! All I could think about was, "shit it's getting hot in here". Now for the rest of the week I WILL be on my game :)....too bad he's taken, but an innocent flirtation never hurt anyone ;)

I just saw a commercial for "Ugly Betty" and it shows her getting her head smashed in elevator doors.....reminded me of when I got smooshed in the doors on BART the first time I took it alone. This bitch.

Now Richard Simmons is on Ellen....which reminded me of the time (not too long ago) when I had a dream that I was around literally thousands of people and the only person that would talk to me was Richard Simmons (insert serious, annoyed face icon here). Ok, when you're having dreams about Richard Simmons being the only person that will talk to you, CLEARLY this means you're a fat ass and need to go on a diet. Fail.

I was gonna share a little story about Kevin here, but I decided he wasn't worth it since he's on my shit list. Fucker.

Writing this took all my energy, so I'm gonna take a nap. So until next time.....you can just call me Courtney Jolie-Pitt ;) kisses!

Eh, if the tiara fits....

So why is it there are more douche bags in the world than cool people? Fuck. And people wonder why I'm anti-social (ok that's not really the reason but it sounded good)

It's 1:40 am and I CANNOT sleep. My alarm clock is set to go off in 3 hours. Yes, that means my vacation is over and back to the real world. I am not, in the least, a fan of the "real world". For anyone trying to figure out what time I gotta wake up, lemme help you out- I wake up at 5 (at least I try) and my alarm starts going off at 4:15. Crazy, yes. But I'm a snoozer, gotta hit that shit at least 4-5 times before I sit up in my bed and say, really? I hate my life, when can I go back to sleep? If I could, I would sleep alllll day. Which on the weekends I usually do. So I went to bed tonight about 9:30ish and started watching Breakfast at Tiffany's...love. Everytime I watch it, I tell myself I'm never eating again because I wanna look like Miss Holly Golightly herself.....but naturally after I turn it off I forget and we all know how much I like to eat. Anyway, watched that then layed here for about an hour. With my mind spinning, I decided to get up and start cleaning my closet. Sweet. After throwing away the first 5 things I touched I came across a stack of letters from Kevin from when he was in boot camp almost 4 years ago. With those letters I also found his hat he gave me, a necklace and some pictures. Instantly, I went into a flashback (you know how they do on tv/movies and they're in that exact scene again... kinda surreal, kinda freaky, not gonna lie). Mind you this is the first boy I fell head over heels for. Ok, let me just do a little comparison for you...(fyi I watch waaaayyy to much tv to have so many comparisons) the movie Pearl Harbor (you know you've seen it, don't lie and act cool) you know how Kate's character falls in love with Ben's character and they only knew each other for like 4 days and you were thinking to yourself, really though who does that?! Um hi my name is courtney and that happened to me waaaaaahh. I knew he was leaving for the army in like 6 weeks but that didn't stop me. Okay, where was I going with this story??? holy rambing bullshit...hold on let me re-read what the hell I'm typing...ok ok ok. So I sat here and read the letters, got all depressed and stopped cleaning and got back in bed. Lame. So I put on another movie and decided to take a shower. Naturally, in the shower my mind goes crazy and now I have all this stuff to talk about, which means.....wait for it........wait for it...........hi new blog post! Whaaaaaaaaat!

So I totally LOVE getting new hair products/new make-up/new clothes! It's like you want to take a shower as soon as you get home so you can try out the new products and play with new make-up! So with that I like to thank Jesus everyday for giving me a vagina. Because seriously, what do boys get to look forward to? A new video game? Ew. Totally sucks for them. Not to mention, if I had turned out to be a boy do you know what my name would have been?? Cole.....uhh I just threw up a little in my mouth. So not only am I thankful for being a girl, but I'm also thankful for my name to be Courtney Michael because I seriously love it! So fitting.

Also in my insomnia moments I realized that this guy asked me on a date about a week and a half ago and I told him I would let him know when I was free and I totally forgot until now. Shit balls. Who's the douche bag now, coat? Fail. I don't like going on dates though, they're just awkward.

Ok, ok I'm starting to feel a little sleepy so I'm gonna try to sleep for about an hour. This sucks. So until next time....I'll be keeping my eyes propped open with toothpicks. Kisses....and what the hell, hugs too!! xoxo

I like it when you call me Big Poppa

What, what!!! Sorry for the delay in my posts, I'm sure you've all been chomping at the bit to know how my interview went....well......I totally rocked it!!! Naturally ;) Now I'm just keeping my fingers crossed until I hear back in about a week.

In 2010 is it wrong to call homeless people "bums"? Because I still do and frankly I don't think that's gonna change any time soon. Bums, bums, bums!!! (insert stick out tongue smiley icon here)

So Taco Tuesday was a success. I haven't seen that many people in quite awhile...thank god I was already drunk because I would have had an anxiety attack. We continued drinking (kettle soda) and Love and Shosh ran into some people they knew. This one guy that Lovely met up with was super HOTT and he was Irish which made him even hotter. So I kept talking to him because I liked his accent. I never knew I fell into that stereotypical category of "American women who fall for men with accents" but it turns out that I do. Shit. But seriously, sooo hott. He was telling me about the small town he was from in Ireland and I remember thinking, can I please take you home with me?! We actually talked for awhile...too bad I don't remember half of it. Wahhh. So then Wednesday came, and I was still drunk. Great. I drank my day's worth of water in the first hour of being awake. Then I spent the day hanging out with Lovely, which I wish I could do everyday.

So, on to New Year's. Me and Chase got all dolled up and went to BJ's for dinner and drinks. He was able to switch shifts after all! Fabulous! Turns out, we were surrounded only by couples and there was no one there to impress but each other. Such a waste of a hott outfit. Fuck. Oh well, we didn't let that bring us down! We had an awesome waitress named Lyndsey, who referred to a man as being a "vagina"....hi please pull up a chair because we're going to be friends, best friends. So naturally, she got our humor. Then there was a wrinkly old lady walking by holding her mojito (how hip was she?!) and Chase said, "whats yo name delicate?" and I just about shit my panties from laughing so hard. Naturally, that became our signature phrase of the night and we said it to just about every person that walked by. Mind you, not one person acknowledged us. Rude. After many laughs and a $90 tab, we headed home to ring in the new year. Aaron and Ryan came over and we continued drinking for a couple more hours and had a shitload of more laughs.

Today, OH today was quite the stepping stone in Coat's life (yes I just referred to myself in the 3rd person, get used to it) I actually cooked dinner that didn't involve some sort of pasta!! Whaaaaattt??? I had some stew meat that I needed to cook and it was too late to throw it in the crock pot, so I put it in a pot on the stove. I didn't mean for it to be like a stew but that's how it turned out. And it was actually good!! I added some sort of onion soup mix or something, then a can of diced tomatoes (which, I don't know what happened to those because I couldn't find them in the end result) some carrots (which I hate but mom said it adds flavor or something) and potatoes. Yum yum yum! Ciera was here to be a witness/guinea pig to my de-virginizing cooking skills. She said it was good...I don't think she would lie to me :/

Tomorrow me and Chase are off to SF to cause some shenannies! And Tony Bennett couldn't have said it better when he sang "I left my heart in San Francisco" because that's exactly how I feel. So until next time....I'm going to be an African Princess. Kisses.